Family is often described as the foundation of our lives, the people we can count on no matter what. But what happens when that foundation isn’t as sturdy as it seems? For me, it’s been a long, eye-opening journey to see certain family members for who they truly are, and to realize that loyalty shouldn’t be unconditional. Now, I prioritize my peace over toxic family dynamics, and while it hasn’t been easy, it’s been worth it.

Realizations That Changed Everything

For as long as I can remember, I’ve struggled with maintaining relationships, partly because I’m on the spectrum. Social interactions have always been complicated, and I often felt like I had to work twice as hard to connect with people. That made me a giver, always listening, always supporting, because I thought that’s what relationships required.

But over time, I began to notice patterns, especially within my family. Some relatives were self-absorbed, quick to criticize, or dismissive of my feelings. Others would vent endlessly about their problems but conveniently disappear when I needed support. These interactions left me drained and feeling invisible.

Looking back, I can see that a lot of this stemmed from my efforts to gain approval from my grandparents and other relationships in my life. I became a people pleaser, bending over backward to accommodate others in the hope that they’d finally see me as worthy. Instead of earning their respect or love, all it did was drain me emotionally and leave me feeling more isolated.

One of the biggest realizations came when I saw that my granddad, at 97 years old, was never going to change. He treated me terribly because I look like my mom, who he didn’t want my dad to marry. He and my grandmother had someone else in mind for my dad, and because of this, they disrespected my mom constantly, and hated me by extension. They even went so far as to exclude me from the family inheritance while leaving portions for my brother and sister.

This deliberate favoritism created a wedge between me and my sister, which was no accident. They actively worked to draw a rift between us. Thankfully, my brother had a mind of his own and saw through their toxicity. He’s had my back through everything, and that has meant the world to me.

The breaking point came when my granddad openly admitted he didn’t regret anything he had done. That moment gave me the green light to cut off all contact. If he wants to stay angry at trivial things, that’s between him and St. Peter.

The Decision to Let Go

Letting go wasn’t an overnight decision. For years, I tried to make things work, hoping that things would improve if I just kept giving. But eventually, I reached a point where I was fed up. I was tired of being the one who always had to accommodate others while my needs were ignored.

In embracing the decision to step away, I also fully embraced the loner life; a life I was already living in many ways. I’ve always been something of an outcast, and while that used to bother me, I’ve come to see it as a blessing. I guess that’s why the COVID lockdown was a cakewalk for me. While others struggled with isolation, I was thriving in the quiet and calm. I have my so-called family and fake friends to thank for that, I suppose. They unintentionally prepared me for the peace I’ve found in solitude.

How I Redefined Loyalty

Instead of feeling obligated to people who didn’t value me, I shifted my focus to those who truly care: my parents and my brother. Their love and support have been constant, and I’m grateful to have them in my corner.

Loyalty now means giving my time and energy to relationships that are reciprocal. It means prioritizing connections where I feel seen and appreciated, whether that’s with family, friends, or even the hobbies and interests that bring me peace. I’ve stopped chasing after people who make me feel like I’m hard to love.

The Emotional Impact of Letting Go

I won’t lie, this process has been emotional. At times, I’ve felt guilt for pulling away from family, especially when society places so much emphasis on family loyalty. But the truth is, the sadness and guilt are fleeting compared to the relief and freedom I now feel.

I’ve let go of the weight of unrealistic expectations and toxic dynamics. I’ve learned that it’s okay to choose myself and to stop pouring energy into relationships that only take from me. It’s not about hate, it’s about self-preservation.

Building a Life Focused on Peace and Authenticity

With that weight lifted, I’ve been able to focus on the things that truly bring me joy. My virtual pets, Beanie Babies, and other hobbies might seem trivial to some, but they make me happy. They don’t judge me, leave me feeling drained, or demand more than I can give. They’re a safe space where I can be myself.

I’ve also become more intentional about how I spend my time. Whether it’s working on my blogs, exploring new creative projects, or simply enjoying quiet moments, I’ve created a life that reflects who I am. I’m no longer trying to please people who don’t care about me in return.

Closing Thoughts

Letting go of toxic family dynamics isn’t easy, but it’s one of the most freeing decisions I’ve ever made. Choosing peace over obligation has allowed me to see the value in protecting my emotional well-being.

If you’re struggling with similar feelings, know that it’s okay to prioritize yourself. You don’t owe loyalty to people who don’t respect or care for you. By letting go, you open the door to a life filled with authenticity, peace, and the relationships that truly matter.

This is your journey, and no one else gets to dictate how you live it. You deserve to be free. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be you.